Random Thoughts/Observations #9

Location:  Sitting on some bench outside of my apartment looking at people.

1. Follow me on Twitter @esakris
2. What a beautiful day.
3. Hay gurl hay, put some clothes on.  Just because you’re in your sexual prime doesn’t mean I should be able to see your purple polka-dotted undies out here.
4. I’m so happy my Hoosiers have made it into the NCAA tournament.  They’re gonna do it up because my bracket says so.
5. Dude, I’ve lost so much respect for you for wearing that Soulja Boy t-shirt.
6. Good thing I’m wearing my Eminem shirt so you can discover some real hip-hop.
7. I’m quite disappointed that I’ve only received two entries in the Poetry Contest.
8. Write a freaking haiku if it suits you.  Just give me more to read.
9. The only two poems I’ve received are excellent.  Bring in some competition, eh?
10. I’m also surprised more people didn’t read My Sex Story.  I figured you would enjoy an awkward tale.
11. Was it the crucifying her with my dick line that killed it?
12. This girl just asked some other dude if he has ever eaten Cheetos.  Who the hell hasn’t?
13. I get to do a presentation this Friday on romantic love.
14. Professor says to make the presentations fun and interactive.
15. Not entirely sure how I can make it interactive without getting slapped with a restraining order and getting calls from angry, overprotective fathers.
16. I know you’re Daddy’s little girl, but I also need an A.  Work with me here.
17. A Living Oddity

Random Thoughts/Observations #8

Location:  In my room attempting to study for 3 tests but writing this bullshit instead.

1. Follow me on Twitter @esakris
2. I sag my pants until my ass shows, oh yeah I slap hoes, yeah I’m an asshole.
3. There’s a rather cute girl in my Spanish class who I’d like to get funky with.  Her chesticles keep staring at my eyes.
4. My mom says I need a girlfriend.
5. I don’t have any good enough pick-up lines to use.
6. I have a couple that could definitely get me slapped though.
7. I’m ashamed to say that I’ve lost my creativity as a writer, so I’m just going to be writing more autobiographical pieces and what not for a little while.
8. I posted that poetry contest yesterday and you people were courageous enough to click the like button.  No poems yet, I guess you’re all winners?
9. When do plants bang each other?  When it’s windy outside!
10. I really don’t know what else I want to do with this blog.  I’ve thought about deleting it and disappearing into the night.
11. No, it’s not you.
12. It’s me.
13. (5 minutes later) Okay I won’t leave you.
14. Recently I’ve been thinking how I’m in my 20s now.
15. Meaning this decade I’ll have my real job, a wife, and a family.
16. Scary shit.
17. A Living Oddity

Random Thoughts/Observations #7

Location: On the couch watching basketball

1. On the way home from class this girl gave me a dirty look.
2. I should’ve said, “Swiper no swiping, bitch.”
3. Dick Vitale is covering this game.
4. He sounds like he’s sitting on a dildo when he talks.
5. I’m really just waiting for the Indiana game.
6. GO HOOSIERS!
7. I ran out of peanut butter, this is a really bad thing.
8. Will girls lick peanut butter off you?
9. Actually that’s kind of creepy, I’ll keep my fantasies to myself.
10. My roommate is eating a snack pack and he won’t share it.
11. I’m not asking him to spoon feed me snack pack goodness, that’s a little odd and the window’s open.
12. Just give me a taste of my childhood, dude.
13. He’s an asshole.
14. I just weighed myself and I’m at 179.
15. This means I’ve lost 37 pounds.  I’m sexy now.
16. Actually that’s a bad thing to say, I used to be pleasantly plump, you’re beautiful no matter how close to 1000 pounds you are.
17. My roommate just said, “Choke on a dick,” to the television.  I don’t think I should ask him for that snack pack again.
18. He needs a girlfriend, I do too, but he’s not really focusing on females right now.  He’s really into that snack pack, the one he won’t share.
19. He’s got a point though, girls don’t really taste like el chocolate, not even darker skinned girls.
20. I’m really not racist, I love everybody.
21. What hurts worse, getting kicked in the nuts or giving birth?
22. I’m not gonna ask my roommate the question, he’s already pissed about me asking for his snack pack.
23. That came out wrong.
24. This game is getting out of hand, dammit N.C. State.  Get off of Carolina’s dick, Dick.
25. A Living Oddity

Random Thoughts/Observations #6

Location: My apartment

1. I haven’t done one of these in a while, I guess I’ve just felt more creative lately.
2. No terrorists this time around, unless you count the nightmare I had about 2 nights ago.
3. The terrorists in my nightmare were named Achmed, Ernie, and McDonald.  Go figure.
4. This may not seem like a lot to any of you, but yesterday my blog had 86 views.  My average is like 10-12 a day.
5. I’m happy to see that people are finally willing to read my philosophical and lovey dovey shit.
6. No really, I believe in what I write and that’s why I do it, but now I have a good impression of what people like to read on blog sites.
7. I suggest anybody who reads my blog to check out Make.Life.Orange, This Beating Heart, and CKS.  They are my favorite blogs to read on a daily basis, however that doesn’t mean I don’t read a lot of others.
8. Scoopity boppity beet up bup bup yeahhhhhhhhhhhh.
9. I had an awkward encounter today with yet another girl at my school.  For some reason they always happen at a door.
10. Apparently girls DON’T like it when I hold doors open for them.  It signals them to make the situation awkward.
11. I am pretty awkward though, but I think it’s a lot of fun.
12. Girls like awkward right?
13. Never-mind, I don’t think awkward is much of a panty-dropper.
14. Not gonna quit now, I’VE GOT TO TRY!
15. It’s a little depressing how much I want to go to sleep at night.  It’s quickly becoming my favorite thing to do because I don’t want to be awake.
16. I want this semester to absolutely fly by, and the best way I know how is to sleep endlessly until May rolls around.
17. Too bad we don’t hibernate like the fucking bears do, however I don’t think we should get too much beauty sleep.
18. One of my roommates could easily do it though, all he ever does is sleep even though he says he hates sleeping.
19. I need to get out of here.
20. I love you all.

Random Thoughts/Observations #5

Location: Indianapolis International Airport

1. Here we go again, the fucking airport.
2. The employees here at this airport were pretty awesome, they didn’t treat me like a potential terrorist.
3. One of them was kind of a dick though. Right when I was going through security, he said, “Awww are you wearing your jammies?”
4. Yes, I am wearing pajamas, they’re quite comfortable. Thanks dick (Richard).
5. North Carolina blows.
6. Why do they NEVER have direct flights? It makes no sense to fly to Charlotte, get off the plane, then fly for 20 minutes to Raleigh.
7. I downloaded an app which is  the Quran. I wonder if this will raise suspicions on the plane, especially the people sitting next to me.
8. If I sit next to another Muslim and he sees my Quran app, he and I are going to have a lot to talk about.
9. Well not really.
10. It’s to weird to think about how you see all of these people that you’ve never seen before, and you’ll never see them again.
11. I hope the hot girl I’ve spotted will miss me. My eyes had a great relationship with her.
12. Boarding the plane now, I’ll finish this post when I land in Charlotte.
13. Oh my God, some old Asian lady on the plane sat one row away from me. She went “Ya, ya, ya, ABA baba bah. Buh vabba babba yah yah.” She did this for at least half an hour. I don’t know if she was casting spells or singing Chinese proverbs or what.

14. My brother and I were making fun of her annoying miniature pinscher on the plane.  We also said that Rudy, the name of dog, was an annoying and obnoxious name.  The guy sitting next to me on the plane said his son’s name was Rudy.

15. We finally got off the plane, heading to the gate for Raleigh now.

16. The lady sitting next to me this time was reading a book…on chapter 87…and one of the character’s dialogue was, “I’ll give you a brown poop-on.”  What in the hell does that mean?

17.  Wow, Raleigh’s airport had a very diverse group of people.  I saw an Indian Rastafarian guy and some white dude wearing a turban.

18.  That’s enough weird for a day.  I’m finally freaking home.

19.  I can finally blog from my laptop again.  Word of advice, don’t every try blogging from your phone.

20. And when you go to airports, don’t wear earrings, belts, chew gum, or pajama bottoms.  They’ll mistake you for a terrorist one way or another.

Random Thoughts/Observations #4

Location: A pitch black hotel room.

1. It’s 11:11 and I’m supposed to make a wish or something. I didn’t.
2. Hoosiers just beat Michigan. We kick ass this season.
3. It’s dark and hell is hot.
4. My bed in this hotel room looks straight at a mirror. Since the room is dark, I should say “Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary.”  She has the red eyes of a creepy white mouse at most pet shops.
5. My eyes still haven’t adjusted to the darkness, probably because of the emitting glow of my phone so I can write this post.
6. I’ve written a couple of lovey dovey posts recently. I don’t give a shit what you think, I love writing them.
7. I’ve read some incredibly rich, thought provoking blogs today. I wish I could write as well as half the people on here.
8. I don’t really use Facebook anymore ever since I started blogging. I like the people on here a lot more than the people I’m friends with on Facebook.
9. You ever feel like some invisible being is touching your sheets when you lay in the darkness at night? Oh well it’s just the wind.
10. There was a beautiful girl at the mall today. She was beautifully broken.
11. My grandfather’s memorial was earlier today. It was a beautiful service.
12. Dinner with my extended family was a different story. My dad’s 3rd cousin got frustrated with his daughter’s 2 year old daughter.
13. She was throwing a fit, he lunged at her with his hand to hush her up. He then elegantly said, “Don’t make me rip your voice box out.”
14. He calls her a little terrorist.
15. That reminds me, I’m flying back home tomorrow.
16. I fucking hate blogging from my phone. I’d rather blog from a toaster.
17. I feel like the only intelligent people at the moment are fellow bloggers.
18. ONE. TWO. THREE. FOUR. WHO’S THAT BLACK GUY KNOCKING ON MY DOOR!?
19. I’m waiting for some dark figure to walk out of the bathroom.
20. I’m looking forward to a nightmare tonight. I haven’t seen a good horror movie in a while. Nothing beats having some chick scared out of her mind grab your hand so tightly as if she’s giving birth.
21. Come to think of it, that’s the only time I can get a girl to grab anything of mine.
22. I think a ghost crawled into my bed with me. We’re gonna have some crazy sex.
23. Goodnight.

Random Thoughts/Observations #3

Location: RDU Airport

1. I’ve been awake since 8:30 am yesterday morning.
2. This is the first time in years that I’ve been home to Indianapolis.
3. Check-in to get my ticket went smoothly, although the lady looked like she was having menstrual cramps.
4. Airport security sure has tightened up. They told me to spit out my gum, take out my earrings, and whip my belt off. I didn’t know chewing gum was a terrorist hazard.
5. I’m at the gate right now and I’m scanning everybody in the room to figure out who I’m sitting next to. I would ask the girl I’ve been staring at for the last 10 minutes but she might karate chop me.
6. Actually, that would be really hot.
7. I forgot to charge my iPod. I hope the person next to me has entertaining stories.
8. Why the hell can’t we fly straight to Indy? Charlotte is like a 20 minute flight. Don’t waste my time.
9. The aforementioned girl I’ve been staring at is starting to get a little snippy. Time to abandon ship and find another girl to look at before she spots me.
10. Hi little old lady…
11. It’s a bitch to blog from my phone, but that’s all I can use for the next 3 days.
12. Why the long faces, fellow passengers? Y’all look like you’ve seen a terrorist.
13. I ended up not getting to sit next to that girl getting snippy. I was dealt a businessman who looks like he can die any second and some other guy who has Miley Cyrus on his iPhone.
14. I got the window seat. In case we do go down, I’ll finally understand what it’s like for a bird to fall out of the sky when it dies.
15. Dude your breath stinks.
16. Apparently we have a gay flight attendant.
17. The guy sitting next to me keeps huffing and puffing, grimacing as if thinking is painful.
18. Hot girl that was getting snippy has finally boarded the plane. She’s got Starbuck’s in one hand and her other hand is ready for karate chopping. You diva.
19. Just landed in Charlotte. Longest half hour of my life.
20. The two men sitting next to me slept the entire time with their mouths open. Spit jumped out constantly like they were some kind of slobber volcano.
21. The gay flight attendant told the man in front of me to put his seat up. He never did.
22. I got an uncalled for erection as we landed.
23. There are much hotter women at this airport in Charlotte.
24. Half the people at the food court are at Burger King. Half the people in line at Burger King is fat.
25. This New Yorker on his phone in the food court just said to the idiot on the other end “Hey! I just landed in Charleston, South Carolina. It’s not how I remember though.” He clearly got on the wrong flight.
26. Boarding again, on the way to Indianapolis. I’m in the middle seat this time. There’s bound to be fat people in both sides of me.
27. Good news, the new people I sit next to don’t speak English.
28. Muslim guy sitting next to me read the Quran for most of the flight and sung. Very disconcerting.
29. Finally in the greatest city in the country. A place I call home. Welcome to Indianapolis.

Random Thoughts/Observations #2

1. “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.”
2. I’ve just noticed that today I’ve had 11x as many views as I did 2 days ago.  2 days ago, three people viewed my blog.
3. I’m staying up the entire night because I leave to leave for a flight to Indianapolis at 5 a.m.
4. Blogging is one of the best ideas I’ve had in recent memory.
5. This time, my laptop battery is staying at 100% because it’s still plugged into the charger.
6. Damn cat is trying to get into my room again.
7. I just let him in.  He knocked over my bottle of water.
8. Kicked his ass out.
9. Still haven’t touched “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.”  I need to get on that.  Please watch both the Swedish and American versions of the movie.
10. I’ve found a new outlet to reach.
11. I’ve written “Beautifully Broken” and “Nothing In Common but Love” as if I know something about love.  Don’t be mistaken.
12. That damn cat is back.
13. I’ve had to sip some of this water right off of my night stand.  There’s children in Ethiopia with polluted water, ya know?
14. The Capitals won tonight.  Backstrom and Ovechkin are on fire.
15. “I’ve got a crush on a pretty pistol, should I tell her that I feel this way?”
16. Miss Piggy is my bitch.
17. This funeral is going to be rough.
18. I can’t wear my earrings through airport security tomorrow.  Apparently I’m capable of highjacking a plane with $20 Hot Topic twisted metal earrings.
19. I’m so glad I’m a guy.
20. I still have that empty bottle of “Bawls” energy drink.  Giggle all you want.
21. I never got around to fixing my clock on my nightstand.  It currently reads 5:56.  You’re a clock, you should know the time better than I do.
22. Everyone will have his day to die.
23. A Living Oddity

Random Thoughts/Observations #1

1. Why do I know next to no one attending this funeral on Thursday?
2. I am going to look fresh at this funeral.  Black and red really make me look fresh.
3. I look really good in suits.
4. Why is my 3rd cousin randomly talking to me on Facebook?  I last talked to her when I was 2.
5. My laptop battery currently shows 5% life left.  I hope I don’t die when it hits 0.
6. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo is still laying on my night stand, I’ve only read one chapter but it’s fantastic.
7. The clock on my nightstand currently reads 9:07 p.m.  That’s freaking wrong.
8. I have like 4 trophies on my dresser.  Most kids I know have like 30, even from chess tournaments.
9. That picture of Peyton Manning on my wall makes me cry. 2-14 really?
10. My shirt says “Hi, my name is…Slim Shady.”  My name’s not Slim Shady.
11. My cat is trying his damned hardest to get into my room.  Not on my watch.
12. I need to slim my stomach down a little, a tan would help too.
13. I start 2nd semester of my sophomore year of college in one week exactly.
14. I feel like I didn’t really see anybody over winter break.
15. I need a girlfriend.  Science promises female robot companions by 2020, so I need a real woman until then.
16. There are a dozen books in my room that I haven’t read a page of.  Their job is to make me look like I exercise my “brilliant” mind with a thought provoking story.
17. Why am I alive?
18. Why am I seeing through these eyes?
19. Goodnight.